Break out the BBQ sauce

So, with World War Moo, Michael Logan returns readers to the Britain overrun by virus infected animals that essentially want to pass on infection via biting or sex.

Which is, of course, why Great Britain remains under forced blockade with no one getting in or out.

The zombies have set up BRIT, basically an ad hoc government to run things until the situation resolves one way or another, under Tony Campbell. Tony made a cameo in the first book, threatening to eat intrepid journalist Lesley McBrien during a televised interview. However, the Russians, Americans, and Chinese plan on using a series of nuclear weapons and planned invasion (Operation Excision) to eliminate the virus and make the Isle habitable for normal folks again.

On the islands itself, we have Ruan, who is immune to the virus, who ends up finding a group of infected who have learned to control the impulses associated with infection by sexual conduct, marijuana, and yoga. Unsurprisingly, Geldof Peterson's mother Fanny (who survived the pig stampede it seems) is running the resistance. This, of course, leads to Geldof and his grandfather hiring mercenaries to get her out. Geldof winds up going in with the mercs, because of course he does.

Tony, in the meantime is learning to control his viral urges by channeling Mr. Spock from Star Trek. Not easy, since a group named Blood of Christ is looking for ways to get the virus everywhere else, thinking it's G-d's judgement upon mankind. Tony is attempting two different plans to reconcile Britain with the world, one of which is dropping infected blood bombs on France via Britain's last remaining nuclear submarine, the other convincing people that Britain can control itself.

Lesley, bless her heart, winds up getting pulled in when she reposts about Operation Excision, then promptly gets extraordinarily renditioned (along with her source) to Scotland.

It's a little les subtle with its metaphores than the first book, and the rage virus seems to have been retooled for this one. But still, there are worse ways to spend reading.

Brisket anyone?

A story before we begin this. On a previous library run, I ran across a display title named World War Moo. I examined it, and found out it was actually book 2 in a series, which leads me to today, wherein I get to tell you all about Apocalypse Cow by Michael Logan.

A few notes before we really dig in to such succulent, tender subjects. Evidently this won the Terry Pratchett Prize at one point, and Pratchett did indeed write the forward for it. And, honestly, much of the humor is straight out of early Discworld. I almost expected a Rincewind cameo at one point.

Mind you, the book isn't afraid to wallow in tropes like a pig would.

We start at a suburban abattoir outside Glasgow, Scotland. Something is amiss, as the place is burning to the ground. Someone mentions seeing something getting away in the shadows, but no one seems to think there's any real risk. Really, much of this conversation is straight out of Return of the Living Dead. 

We then switch to Geldof, a 14 year old boy named after noted bleeding heart Bob Geldof by his very militantly vegan mother Fanny. Fanny insists on everyone being completely vegan in her house, including Geldof wearing all hemp clothing, despite him being allergic to the stuff. Geldof's father, James, spends most of the book in a pot induced hazed. Geldof is being harassed by the neighbor twins (Malcolm and Tony), while secretly fantasizing about their mother Mary. Mary's husband, David, won the lottery prior to the beginning of the book, and delights in baiting Fanny about her dietary habits. The twins, using bully logic, are convinced that Fanny's dietary habits and PETA style activism are behind the deaths at the abattoir that killed their cousin, and convince Geldof to go cow tipping with them to avenge humanity on the bovine killers.

Before that happens, we meet Lesley, a journalist at the local paper. Lesley, in fact, is about to get fired, since she's not a good journalist. She also loathes her coworker Colin, who seems to be the star reporter. After Colin goes out for a few brews at the pub as a business lunch, Lesley intercepts a call meant for him from a recorded voice offering proof that the virus was British created, and not part of a terrorist conspiracy. Having no idea what the heck the voice is talking about, Lesley records it anyway and prepares to investigate to annoy her editor and coworker.

Then we meet Terry, who managed to escape the slaughter at the abattoir. Terry is confined to a bed in some kind of facility by one Mr. Alistair Brown, who wants to make sure Terry can't incriminate anyone.

Finally, back in the cow pasture, Geldof, Malcolm and Tony meet the first bovine monstrosity as they attempt to go tip a normal cow. For those of you who have seen 28 Days Later, it seems that the animals have been infected with something akin to the Rage virus, causing them to want to copulate and infect the other animals. Mind you, cows are herbivores, which just makes them eating people more painful.

At any rate, as the book progresses, we eventually find everyone in the same place, namely Geldof's house. This leads us in to the tropes of what do survivors who really don't like each other are forced to live together. And find food.

Followed by the inevitable escape sequence... Since the virus is limited to Great Britain, the group tries escaping to France via the Chunnel while being pursued by Mr. Brown. They also briefly wind up in a refugee camp. Along the way, the party whittles down a bit, as happens in these situations.

As is normal also, there's some social commentary thrown in different places. Part of the virus is an urge to copulate, thrown in by the male scientists. David spends mush of his time whining about the lack of meat and insulting the French for stopping British beef imports. Frannie is convinced the military evacuation is the start of the government enslaving its citizens and remains convinced that the virus is punishment for people eating animals and her veganism means the animals won't eat her. When we get to the French border, one character takes great offense at being called English, while the French guard (who owes much of his dialogue to Monty Python and the Holy Grail) takes offense to being called German.

While the book is not exactly original, it is funny in places and quite readable. It's much less nihilistic than say Brian Keene, although the humor is less Pratchett in places and more Wayans Brothers. But yes, I look forward to checking out the sequel.