Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay

It's been a while since I picked up Mercedes Lackey's Last Herald-Mage trilogy, and it wound up in my bag on my way out the door.

I'd forgotten how, much like with The Neverending Story, I spend much of the journey wishing certain events would have a different outcome, then end up in tears when the don't.

 See, in Magic's Pawn, we meet the legendary Vanyel Ashkevron, who existed quite some time before the primary timeline of the Valedemar setting. (The original trilogy posited that no mages exist within Valdemar, and this trilogy ends up explaining why, as well as setting up events later in the main timeline.) Vanyel is somewhat of a peacock, vain and fey on the Ashkevron estate of Forst Reach. Being firstborn, he stands to become the holder when his father retires, but that holds no appeal to him. Indeed, he wants to be a bard.

Withen, Van's father ends up getting so upset with Vanyel that he exiles him to the capital of Haven to be raised by Sayvil, Withen's sister, who is a Herald-Mage. Sayvil's a bit of a battle axe, but she also gives Vanyel a chance to stand on his own without his father trying to press him into an image of himself. Vanyel, in the meantime, has learned to use indifference as a shield against everything.

One of Sayvil's pupils, Tylendel, who's also shay'a'chern (a Hawkbrother term that essentially means gay), ends up being the one who helps Vanyel reach out from behind the wall of indifference. Vanyel and Tyendel become lovers and enjoy a fairly torrid secret romance. (Van is trying to keep this secret from his father until he reaches the age of majority, when Daddy can't call him back and ship him off to a cloistered order, since as Heir and and not being a Herald, he has no legal protection until 18 from his father's whims.) As part of their cover for what's really going on, they pretend in public to hate each other, which tends to make Vanyel's instructors hate him, as well as attract the attention of Wester Leshara, who's family is feuding with Tylendel's family. As much as Sayvil tries to keep Tylendel out of the feud, Tylendel's twin Staven keeps trying to draw him in. We find out in a later conversation that 'Lendel and Staven share a bond to the point they can essentially merge mindw with each other.

That bond becomes important when Leshara hires an outland mage to take out Staven, sending 'Lendel into rather large backlash sickness. 'Lendel plots revenge from his sickbed, getting Van to get forbidden spell books from Sayvil's shelves. On Sovven Night, 'Lendel gates himself and Van to the Leshara esate and unleashes unholy creatures on the party at the estate. 'Lendel's Companion, Gala ride through and repudiates her Chosen, buying time for Sayvil and most of the senior Heralds time to get through the gate and end the attack. Gala dies, and as they try to stabilize 'Lendel back on the Haven side of the gate, 'Lendel instead jumps off a very high building. As the gate collapses, the energy goes back through Vanyel, buring open several channels that pretty much give him access to all the Gifts that Heralds have, including the Magic Gift. And he gets Chosen by Yfandes. Not that any of this matters, since between the backlash and the sheer emotional pain of losing his Lifebonded lover, Vanyel isn't in good shape. Indeed, he sneaks out to go say goodbye to Tylendel's corpse and then tries to join 'Lendel in eternal slumber.

After much debate and a rather one sided confrontation  between Vanyel and Withen, Sayvil ends up taking Vanyel West to k'Vala Vale, home of some Hawkbrothers she knows, in hopes that the brothers can heal and train Vanyel. That Moondance and  Starwind are lifebonded shay'a'chern doesn't hurt.

They do manage to get Vanyel a bit further along, but it takes an attack on a village nearby by Colddrakes and another village that's been taken over by the mage Krebain to get Vanyel to where he needs to be.

I kind of wish I had found this series earlier in life (I was loaned this trilogy back in 1998, and eventually ended up reading the entire series in fits and starts), since Vanyel's start here really resonated with me and my own inner drama during first love. Mine wasn't nearly as tragic as his, but it does tap in to that entire feeling of needing to hide who you are lest you be outcast.That it can affect me even now is a testement to how powerful Vanyel's tale is.